Couple with Down syndrome decide to have children, face criticism

Many individuals can identify with the experience of facing inquiries and opinions from others regarding the decision to have children.

In contemporary society, there exists an unspoken expectation that individuals should secure stable employment, find a partner, marry, and subsequently have children. Consequently, couples who opt not to have children often find themselves compelled to explain their choice to others. Those who fail to comprehend this decision may pose intrusive and inappropriate questions that are not their concern.

Such inquiries can be deeply personal and uncomfortable, particularly when individuals are asked to justify their choice not to become parents.

Regrettably, the decision to remain childless can be perceived as a form of selfishness; however, when couples who are viewed as “different” express a desire to have children, the perception of selfishness can shift dramatically.

Over two decades ago, Patti White from California received news that brought her both joy and concern. Her daughter, Lisa, announced her pregnancy.

Lisa has Down syndrome, a genetic condition characterized by a range of physical and intellectual challenges. It is important to recognize that many individuals with Down syndrome are capable of self-care, employment, and leading independent lives.

Nevertheless, the probability of two individuals with Down syndrome conceiving a child is lower than that of other couples, as it is uncommon for a man with Down syndrome to father a child.

When Patti White learned that she was to become a grandmother, she was taken aback; however, she fully supported her daughter Lisa in her decision to carry the child to term.

At the age of 29, Lisa had her own apartment and was employed full-time at the local Goodwill store, having lived independently for 11 years.
She maintained positive relationships with everyone. “She was capable of handling everything except for the cash register. She enjoyed her time there, and they appreciated her,” Patti recounted to Voice in 2016.

Lisa had also embarked on a relationship with a man who has Down syndrome; they dated while residing in separate homes. Patti recognized that her daughter was engaged in a healthy adult relationship, which included discussions about birth control and safe sex.

“At that time, all the literature indicated that males with Down syndrome were sterile, and people advised us not to be concerned about the possibility of pregnancy,” Patti explained.

However, destiny had different intentions.

Patti had just returned from her lunch break at work when she began listening to her voicemail. Among the messages was one from an enthusiastic Lisa:

“Hi Mum, I just wanted to let you know that you are going to be a GRANDMOTHER!” Patti recalled, “My thoughts raced in every direction. How could this happen? Her boyfriend has Down syndrome!”

Lisa’s choice to have the child faced criticism from outsiders, who deemed it irresponsible and selfish, questioning her capability to be a good mother. Nevertheless, her family stood firmly by her side, offering unwavering support.

Lisa, who was articulate and passionate, experienced a typical pregnancy in many respects. She attended childbirth classes, engaged a pregnancy coach, and encountered all the usual symptoms.

“It was challenging for me to move around during my pregnancy; I was working five days a week. I dealt with morning sickness and often felt unwell. I had the sensation that I might vomit,” Lisa shared with Voice.
Lisa’s pregnancy was classified as high risk, and she received appropriate care throughout. Her son, Nic, was born four weeks premature and, like his parents, was diagnosed with Down syndrome.

Nic’s father was present during his birth, and the couple attempted to cohabitate following Nic’s arrival. Unfortunately, this arrangement proved unsuccessful. Tragically, Nic’s father passed away when Nic was just five years old.

Now 24 years old and a handsome young man, Nic has been raised by his mother and grandmother, both of whom take immense pride in him.

The decision to have children carries inherent risks for all parties involved, and Lisa faced particular scrutiny, as many held strong opinions regarding her choice to become a mother.

This scrutiny led to a loss of contact with some of her friends, as their parents feared that Lisa might influence their daughters to desire motherhood at a young age.

Ultimately, however, these opinions hold little significance, especially for Nic, who has flourished; he is a college graduate and holds great admiration for the women who have nurtured him. The person he has become is a testament to their influence.

“I have two moms. My mom Lisa is my greatest future in my life. She gave me life and she gave me love and she gave me birth and she is always wonderful and she is beautiful,” he expressed, as reported by Fabiosa.

In 2016, Patti shared a touching update on Facebook, accompanied by a photo of a proud mother and her joyful son: “This is my daughter, Lisa, clowning with her son, Nic. They both have Down syndrome. This year is a landmark for all of us. She will turn 50 and he will turn 20. As for me, I am older than dirt. I am so proud of us. Our goal when she became pregnant was for her to know him and develop a relationship with him. There have been many ups alongside their ‘Downs,’ and after all these years, we can honestly say they have defied the odds and share a profound love for one another and their small family unit (she is a single mom),” Patti wrote.